Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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