how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
