her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
