i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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