I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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