she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
