he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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