the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
