filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
