turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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