Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize