Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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