what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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