Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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