She is in my trunk
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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