yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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