Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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