Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
