While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
