so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
