I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
