trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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