you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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