i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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