Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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