Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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