Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
