Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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