Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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