you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
