Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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