Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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