they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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