she was so not down for the gang bang
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
