And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
