ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
