I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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