Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
