He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
