Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
