I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
