I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
