....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
