He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Houston, we have a blender
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
