OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
