Dude my mom stole all your condoms
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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