I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
