yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
