Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
