She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
