I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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