some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
