I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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