His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's never too late to be topless.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
