he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
nutella sex= disaster
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
