you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
