So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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