he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
