i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
