apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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