Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
