forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
