My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
