Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
