Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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