This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
